BLOG: Driving with my best friend

Driving with my best friend has a lot of input of my life as of today. There are things that I didn't realize before that I have come to understand why. Moments like this are like books written in your heart but was never published. My best friend in college is one of the authors of life who has kept hidden for quite some time now, but I wanted to make her realize that her knowledge in life can help uplift people the same way it uplifted me.

Being ahead of me, I never felt that she was beyond me nor she let me feel that she was better than me, especially when it comes to life changing dramas, triumphs and all, but instead she is one of the most humbled person I have met in this road full of people trying to dictate your life. In a world of people who is pretending to be someone there not, there's my best friend.

Late night coffee drinking, late night messages and calls are one of the best, but those late night driving sessions is one of the best. I get to know more side of her than just the facade she shares to people we know. More than the happy go lucky personality, is a deep, emotional, strong person hiding from those laughter and smiles.

She's like one of the teachers you would like to be your favorite at the same time, the strict teacher who just wants the best for you. Those late nights of just music and talking, there were moments like were almost writing a book of quotes of life that every after wording, we forget, and moved on with it.

So here are some quotes she managed to instill in my thoughts as we travel through the roads of our inhibitions and dreams. Quite sadist, painful but I guess, this thoughts of life made me scared, scared that I wanted to stand up and get away from the possibility of loosing myself and be a burden to the society that created me.... I wanted to enjoy and live my life to the fullest without any regrets. It feels like essay exam all over again. I have inserted my explanation on the toughest words my best friend had told me :D

1. "All we need to do is chase our dreams" - As teenagers, we all have this dreams that we love to achieve as soon as we graduated from our school. We wanted it so badly we have created phases in our head and as soon as we walk out on the real world we wanted to have it on our hands. And that's what we have been doing, ever since 2011.

2. "Love is not consistent, it radiates" - Which is somehow I don't understand since, I have never felt in love before, but as she explains, sometimes we fall in love just by the spurs of the moment, that instead of that everlasting feeling of getting giddy, "Kilig", and by the time it fades, we would look into someone else for that longings and find another love with a new one. Love is not consistent, it radiates not just once but as long as your heart is beating it would go further and further.

3. "We are from the idealist generation, but sometimes, we cannot escape the fact that we must live and understand that reality is different from our own perspective of life, and therefore we become pragmatic"  - Well as a matter of fact, oh well, how can I even have an answer to this! I have my own philosophies in life that was instill in my mind ever since I was growing up. That as we face life, realities came to us not just one by one but a blast. Because of this triumphs of overthinking things, you just wanted to shut down the world your moving in and just turn on the things you just wanted to see, and make way through your imagination. But at the end of the day you'll just lay your head into your bed and wake yourself up that this is the world you live in. Not some imaginative scenario of you walking towards those dreams but a reality where you need to work had to achieve the things you want.

4. "Keep that fire burning" - The most used phrase she always tell me. Don't lose it, it's one of the most powerful powers we have in our youth. That burning power of achieving our dreams no matter how hard it is. Just keep on fighting and keep moving forward.

5. "If you want someone who you can't have it will destroy you from within" - an excerpt she said from a Korean Drama Moonlight (From her explanation of love we can't have) We used to like someone we can never have, and because of that we ought to question why does everyone I like can never like me back, the common problem of someone who has been infatuated by the unrequited love phase. Instead of making that person an inspiration, it's making us loose it. We imagined things like what if's, but at the end of the day we realize that everything that had trolled our mind is simply a scenario of something that could never happened and now we go back at number 2 :D

6. "We get old, we loose our youth, and sometimes, life never gave us the chance" - so this is sad! Having a middle aged crisis sucks, even if your not even middle aged. As we paved our way to our 20's being on the 20's makes you feel that your no longer at your youth, your no longer given the chance to succeed, the doors close in front of you, without even letting you try.

7. "Shying away from the public eye doesn't mean your scared but a step to get to know more about yourself at the same time. Just for a MOMENT. Don't get too comfortable to your own personal space because if you indulge yourself with it you couldn't get it all back" -In which I added, that if you really get used to being alone and doing nothing, you'll have all the regrets in the world on why did I even stayed stagnant. It's a huge realization that would make you or break you. Cause the more that you are not doing anything the more you question life. This is one of the reasons why I don't want being alone. I wanted to do so many things is crumpling my check lists! Because in the end all you have is regret. Regret of not moving. "Don't ever regret the things that you haven't accomplished, because that's life we fail but we have a power to stand back again and get on track. But the biggest regret will ever have is the time we waste just by feeling that down time". DOn't worry, because it's okay to have some alone time once in a while. We need it to grow :D

8. "It's just you, me and good music" - (INSERT: I swear in this moment we are infinite - thevibe-) that's the driving mood. With super loud music and super loud voices and super moment of silent and superb of the moment :D

9. In connection to number 1. After years and years of understanding that not everything we wanted in life happens if you just wish it and the word is "ACCEPTANCE - it is how you handle un-predictiveness whether it will come true or not what is important is you know how to accept youe end game. Life moves on and so are you" This is so true, as you grow up you came to realize that everything in this world couldn't be granted just for you. You just need to accept and face the facts that this is life. It's on how you handle it with a smile on your face and full of positive vibes. By the time you realize it, your game face is still on but your now open with CHANGE. :D

10. "Do not conform and sometimes being unapologetic is fine" Yes, we must not be manipulated by the rules and regulation others had set for us. The society may lose us if we don't find ourselves. It's our life and it's up to us on what direction we would love to chase. It doesn't mean we disrespect the high standards of our fore fathers or the people surrounding us, it's just we don't want to be a part of the repetitive niche of life. At the same time, by the time we followed the path we take, and took a stand on what we really wanted in life, we must not be unapologetic in achieving it. We respect them, but we also want to do things in our way. :D



And to add some more, I have realized that in order to achieve our dreams we need to take risks. we need to get out of that comfort zone and try everything in our hands to achieve it. And if failures had approached you as often as you couldn't imagine, greet him with a smile on your face and stand up once again and take that path of greatness.

It's okay to fail and be sad about it for a while but it's sadder if you haven't tried the things you wanted to do and regret it in the end. It's better to feel the pain of rejections and all instead of the feeling of what ifs :D


I hope this blog had something that had instill on to you :D For more happiness and change! :D

What's your dream?

What's your dream? The question that was so easy to answer when I was a kid, I wanted to be an Astronaut! Well, I also wanted to be a cartoon character! hahahahaha... But when you're on the age of choosing what you really want, that question would just come across your mind, echoing, "What is really my dream?"

Growing up, I wanted to be a painter, I just wanted to paint the whole town pink! Everything I do, connects with painting, that I even convinced myself that I'll be the next "Da Vinci"...( a girl needs to dream)

I spend most of the nights drawing about simple things that if you're going to look at it, it's just a plain art of a child. Colors everywhere, lines everywhere, scratch papers filled with colors, I could never think of anything to do aside from painting and for me it was my very own masterpiece. So I think I would love to pursue arts.

I would never forget when I first bought my very first drawing pen way back in college. 

I know that it's just a pen, but it's my very first drawing pen that I have bought from my allowance and it's quite a money saver, believe it or not, it's life span went over 2 years :D

But as time passes, my love for painting turned into a hobby. So I love painting, but I didn't took that course instead took up communication arts in an all girls school, well there's still arts on it. hihihii

When I'm in the mood, I draw and when I am utterly speechless I write.  There are somethings I couldn't express in words that I just look at my blank notepad and started writing. Doing some short stories was always my scapegoat from reality. It was one of the best things me and my best friend do every recess or lunch. Telling stories, feeling every moment as if we are actually the characters that come to life from our imagination. Sometimes, words turn into a song and a song is now a music that connects to hearts who feel the feelings I have been feeling.

After graduation, I have compiled all of the poems and stories I have written when I was a child until now, I placed them in a mini booklet that serves as my very own book of poems and stories. Actually I wanted to be like JK Rowling someday, even if it's not as big as JK Rowling but an Author. I would love to write books and inspire. :) 

minibookofpoetry 

(My:World: The Uncanny Version of me) 

Recently, I wrote this mini book of inspirations, Poetry's I wrote from the previous years, and personal notes I have wrote for myself to boost my self-esteem. The reason, I compile it because I was somehow inspired by my best friend who is in the midst of middle age crisis, even if she's still on her early 20's she's already loosing the confidence of aiming that dream of hers, so I made this booklet for her to realize that it's too early to give up. That there are a lot of things that is still be going on her way and no need to worry about it as long as she have faith and trust in herself. 

I also have shared some notes I have written in this mini booklet in my blog. If ever you want to read it again, feel free! 

PAGE1: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/blog.html

PAGE2: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/blog_23.html

PAGE3: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/poetry.html

PAGE4:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/i-wish.html

PAGE5:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/poetry.html

PAGE6:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/and-that-moment-hurts.html

PAGE7:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/blog.html

PAGE8:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/falling-in-love.html

PAGE9:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/just-one-day.html

PAGE10:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/its-okay-its-love.html

PAGE11:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/believe.html

PAGE12:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/a-simple-reminder.html

PAGE13:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/i-am-dreamer.html

It's really amazing how dreams form into our minds and is transferred in the corners of our heart and soul. It's like music in our ears. Music that had captured every piece of memory we had achieving that dream. And that every moment you think of it makes you feel happy as if it's your dreams is just around the corner. Even if you fail, you still have that burning passion of achieving and aiming it. I remember how my friend used to tell me when I was still in school, "If you want it, Aim it. Try to for see it, believe it will come. And if you fall you can always try again". 

I have so many dreams that I wanted to follow Barbie's footsteps. I wanted to be an astronaut, doctor, veterinarian, philosopher, surfer, engineer, architect, lawyer, to have a piano concerto, to travel the whole world, to be a humanitarian, so on and so forth! I wanted to be Barbie! hahaha... but for now, I'll stick to what I really wanted, something my heart is crying for. :) So how about you, what's your dream?

I am a Dreamer

I am a dreamer

And no one is stopping me

I would spend countless of times

Thinking about every possibility

I would never give up my wildest dreams

Even if the whole world say no

I believe that everything will happen

According to God’s time

Life is dreadfully tragic

That can take everything away even your dreams.

But I have to hold on

Because my dreams is the only one that keeps me going

I’ll never stop until I reach the sky.

"But when he asks he must believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind" - James 1:6

Page 13 Coffee and Tea: Live to inspire 

A Simple Reminder

I know you have asked yourself of your own existential and have a lot of doubts in yourself (everyone does that) Always remember never lose hope.

Be eager to ACHIEVE

It’s okay to FALL sometimes

At least you still have the STRENGHT

To STAND UP and TRY AGAIN

Why Worry? BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Have FAITH

“One day, you’ll be living in LONDON

Explore the streets of ROME

Be kissed under the Eiffel tower

Have coffee in PARIS

And fall in love with your soulmate in SEOUL

Be happy no matter what life has to offer. 

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BELIEVE

There are a lot of times I tripped, fall flat on the floor, and no matter how many pail of tears I shed every night nor embarrassment I face in my life, I still manage to stand up, smile and think that everything is going to be alright.

Funny isn’t it. People called it weird &crazy that they tend to get furious and bring me to long talks as if I’m in a midst of depression trying to recuperate in life, silly but true

.

I remember long conversations with family where you could feel the most inner thoughts of shame and dysfunctionality, and there you are sitting trying to let go and scream.

If I tell you my dream, would you believe it? Or you would laugh because it’s unrealistic? Why can’t I dream the dream others have already accomplished, why couldn’t I dream the dream I really wanted to? “Darling, you can’t possibly see it as a dream, there’s no future in that!” and no matter how quiet you are about your dreams, or blunted about it, you just can’t seem to fit in unless “MAY NAPATUNAYAN ka!”

Whenever I feel those kind of feelings, I seek God, ask them for forgiveness in whatever I could say or think about them, I pray for them, pray for myself, pray for my family, because words are more painful than being kicked in the butt.

Nevertheless, I know His lighting my path to take every criticisms constructively even if I know there’s no such things. No matter how painful it is for me, I believe they do this for me, not for them. Just like my poetry goes, “Listen to what they say” and be wiser handling those situations.

No matter how difficult it is to understand endure it not to the extent of being numb and using your success as your revenge. But instead be humble. You might be thinking that “We’re already on our feet, why still put us into shame as if we are a lost cause” because sometimes those words can make us into a better person. Fixed yourself, do what you need to do, explore, satisfy yourself, you make adjustments so that when they see you they will never pinpoint that Achilles heels of yours.

Do your Best! Don’t ever let words bring you down! Instead let it bring you higher to your own success!

"Lets make our own reality in our own definition and terms... na trtrap na kasi tayo sa reality based on the language of society kaya nawawalan na tayong ng confidence and yes TIME and AGE and kalaban natin today kaya aminado ako sa stress eating... everybody is getting married, working pero bakit pare ayaw ko mangyari sa akin un parang boring same whirlwind of life parang di ito ang napicture ko kaya come what may i know what i want kaya isipin mo na lang pare you are blessed you see the world in a imaginary movie un ang lakas nation we are idealistic and futuristic perl we know the other side.. we don't deny it pero we don't allow it to have a claim in our lives and we've been fighting for 12 years not to let this CLAIM take over... pero sana pare i wish and pray na our reality truck will not hit us by accident and claim its territory by accident.. gosh!! hahahaha tapos pay notepad na lahat ng tao eager making sa story natin as if!! if i know isa sila sa tatawa noon if na meet nila ing teen age self and early adult self natin tapos pay na reach na isang inspiration ito para sa mga unique IILAN LANG NA TAO LIKE US parang 1billion is to tenlang tayo ahaha" - Phoebe Joy Deguzman

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Falling in love

Falling in love was the least thing I would love to do.

I remember how she said that

She wanted to be loved

Yet she was afraid to love

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Blog

Sometimes we used to think that it’s okay to make mistakes “Okay lang magkamali”, I’ll be back on my feet again “babangon ako muli” but the truth is it’s just our way of telling ourselves “Be careful bin what you’re going to do” without intentionally doing it.

We don’t notice it because we’re already saying that we screwed up, even if it’s not yet happening we judged ourselves according to what we perceive ourselves.

We hated the way people talked about us but sometimes we are the first people who judged our own self and partially agreeing in what they are saying and sulking all over the place in our denial state of mind. We look strong in firm but actually were as fragile as we can be. We’re still young and still have the world to chase, don’t screw it all up just because you’re doubting that you can’t do it. Because my dear friend you could!

You’re no accident in this world, you are born with a purpose, don’t ask why you exist, because the moment you are born, you have the reason to live, breath in and see the wonders of life. Don’t be too hard on yourself because nobody is judging your flaws. Find a way to seek that existence, do what you love, live with no regrets.

Follow that dream!  

You are here for a reason

You’re a part of an intricate plan.

You’re precious and a perfect unique deisgn.

Called God’s special woman or man

You look like you look for a reason

Our god made no mistake

He knit you together within the womb

You’re just what he wanted you to make

The parents you had where the ones he chose.

And no matter how you feel they were custom designed with Gods plan in mind

And they bear the masters real

-          Russel Kelfer

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And that moment hurts

And that moment hurts

When you wanted to believe the things they say to you

“Coward, no direction, useless, lazy inferior……….”

When everything they say seems to be real and truthful

All of a sudden you became so numb

That you never feel the pain of being judged

But here’s my advice

LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY

No matter how hard it is to accept

No matter how painful it is to hear

Don’t just endure, feel it

Because you’ll never know that they are the words that could make you a stronger and a better person

Better than them, wiser than them

And more compassionate than them

"Don't let words bring you down" 

"Make level paths for your feet and take only the ways that are firm" - Proverbs 4:26

Coffee and Tea: Live to Inspire Page 6

POETRY

"Imagine with all your mind

Believe in all your heart

Achieve with all your might"

When things go wrong

All you have to do is hold on

When everything seems to fall

Always remember there is someone to call

When you can’t handle the pain

Think that you can make it through the rain

When there’s no more to hold

Believe me He will always be there when you’re cold

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

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I WISH

I wish, I wish

I wish on the skies above

At least let this happen

It is what I have been wanting

I have done everything

And tested my beliefs

I wish I wish

That somethings are meant for me,

For that I will never cry

For lost battle I have been

I hate this feeling

Of this endless wishing

Take me to place I have been seeking

Hoping and praying that this wish would come true

I promise to be happy and never wish for something more

I WISH.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open for you" - Mathew 7:7

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Poetry

Poetry 101: Sea

I watch over you

As you stare into the blue

You keep tapping your feet

Don’t even know what to seek

Your thoughts is as big as the sea

Thinking about the things you wish you could be

So you wrote a message in that deep blue sea

Look at me now, this is the last piece of me that you will see

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BLOG

Dear YOU,

                I remember how you say our time is ticking, how fast earth moves, from one page to another we are already getting older. We were once this teenagers whose driving passion is to reach our dreams that we forget how to actually live in reality.

                We are packed with encouragement, drive, ambition, faith, achievement and wishes but we were not actually prepared nor even ready what life outside our school walls, sanctuary has to offer.

                Yes, we might strange for others, and it’s quite good and hard to be a bit different, for standing out in a crowd. Or for actually being alone in that crowd. In this passage of life, we see who we can trust, we see who cares for us, we see who stabs us, and we see who we can love and love in return. We see those things to be strong, to be brave but as time passes by we all have deep realizations, understandings that even us couldn’t actually understand and believe.

                Deep thoughts, deep conversations, at the end of the day we drown ourselves with questions we have never asked before, questions we seek, questions facing our daily lives, questions we ourselves couldn’t answer.

                So as you flip through this pages, I wish and I hope that no matter what life has to offer you, questions you have asked, you must always have that burning power to achieve the unexpected. It’s normal to fall, to trip, to get wounded as long as you have the courage to stand up and laugh at some of your mistakes you can do it! Don’t just cry, sit yourself in your room, dream the impossible, but instead DO THE IMPOSSIBLE, move your feet and work hard! Because there are a lot of ways to win in life. Figthing!

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BLOG

Whatever is written in this page, it is for you to understand that everything you read, everything you see, everything you hear is not about just you alone, but in what life and the world offers you.

We asked questions, tons of questions why life had been a little bit cruel, why it can’t be easy, but to think about the greater picture, because of the questions we asked, we are bound to think of deeper thoughts that we ourselves couldn’t answer, so why ask if we could just go with the flow. Take life smoothly, less questions, less depressions.

I haven’t been in a life we’re I have hit the middle age. But as a 20’s year old I have felt parts of my life where I have been experiencing middle age crisis even if I’m only as young as you are.

But I’m not here to discuss about the analysis of my life or your life, I am here to lift your spirit up, I know we all have this never give up, positive vibes in life, but is it enough to move forward? Is it enough to reach our goals?

This is not your ordinary booklet, nor a picture memory of the things I/ we have been through, but accounts of life that I have been writing for the past few months. Days filled with worries and fears, while others are happiness and cheers but mostly be wilderness and tears and some are just pure love and cares, mostly just a transition of my daily life J

So here I am giving this booklet to you, just to remind you that you are not alone in this life, there’s someone like me who feels the same way and I bet you know it. And to continue writing every memory you wished to for see. Accounts in life you wanted to achieve. So take a pen and write my dear friend! :D

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