What's your dream?

What's your dream? The question that was so easy to answer when I was a kid, I wanted to be an Astronaut! Well, I also wanted to be a cartoon character! hahahahaha... But when you're on the age of choosing what you really want, that question would just come across your mind, echoing, "What is really my dream?"

Growing up, I wanted to be a painter, I just wanted to paint the whole town pink! Everything I do, connects with painting, that I even convinced myself that I'll be the next "Da Vinci"...( a girl needs to dream)

I spend most of the nights drawing about simple things that if you're going to look at it, it's just a plain art of a child. Colors everywhere, lines everywhere, scratch papers filled with colors, I could never think of anything to do aside from painting and for me it was my very own masterpiece. So I think I would love to pursue arts.

I would never forget when I first bought my very first drawing pen way back in college. 

I know that it's just a pen, but it's my very first drawing pen that I have bought from my allowance and it's quite a money saver, believe it or not, it's life span went over 2 years :D

But as time passes, my love for painting turned into a hobby. So I love painting, but I didn't took that course instead took up communication arts in an all girls school, well there's still arts on it. hihihii

When I'm in the mood, I draw and when I am utterly speechless I write.  There are somethings I couldn't express in words that I just look at my blank notepad and started writing. Doing some short stories was always my scapegoat from reality. It was one of the best things me and my best friend do every recess or lunch. Telling stories, feeling every moment as if we are actually the characters that come to life from our imagination. Sometimes, words turn into a song and a song is now a music that connects to hearts who feel the feelings I have been feeling.

After graduation, I have compiled all of the poems and stories I have written when I was a child until now, I placed them in a mini booklet that serves as my very own book of poems and stories. Actually I wanted to be like JK Rowling someday, even if it's not as big as JK Rowling but an Author. I would love to write books and inspire. :) 

minibookofpoetry 

(My:World: The Uncanny Version of me) 

Recently, I wrote this mini book of inspirations, Poetry's I wrote from the previous years, and personal notes I have wrote for myself to boost my self-esteem. The reason, I compile it because I was somehow inspired by my best friend who is in the midst of middle age crisis, even if she's still on her early 20's she's already loosing the confidence of aiming that dream of hers, so I made this booklet for her to realize that it's too early to give up. That there are a lot of things that is still be going on her way and no need to worry about it as long as she have faith and trust in herself. 

I also have shared some notes I have written in this mini booklet in my blog. If ever you want to read it again, feel free! 

PAGE1: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/blog.html

PAGE2: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/blog_23.html

PAGE3: http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/poetry.html

PAGE4:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/04/i-wish.html

PAGE5:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/poetry.html

PAGE6:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/and-that-moment-hurts.html

PAGE7:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/blog.html

PAGE8:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/05/falling-in-love.html

PAGE9:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/just-one-day.html

PAGE10:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/its-okay-its-love.html

PAGE11:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/believe.html

PAGE12:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/a-simple-reminder.html

PAGE13:http://lilmissjaninekaye.blogspot.com/2015/06/i-am-dreamer.html

It's really amazing how dreams form into our minds and is transferred in the corners of our heart and soul. It's like music in our ears. Music that had captured every piece of memory we had achieving that dream. And that every moment you think of it makes you feel happy as if it's your dreams is just around the corner. Even if you fail, you still have that burning passion of achieving and aiming it. I remember how my friend used to tell me when I was still in school, "If you want it, Aim it. Try to for see it, believe it will come. And if you fall you can always try again". 

I have so many dreams that I wanted to follow Barbie's footsteps. I wanted to be an astronaut, doctor, veterinarian, philosopher, surfer, engineer, architect, lawyer, to have a piano concerto, to travel the whole world, to be a humanitarian, so on and so forth! I wanted to be Barbie! hahaha... but for now, I'll stick to what I really wanted, something my heart is crying for. :) So how about you, what's your dream?

I am a Dreamer

I am a dreamer

And no one is stopping me

I would spend countless of times

Thinking about every possibility

I would never give up my wildest dreams

Even if the whole world say no

I believe that everything will happen

According to God’s time

Life is dreadfully tragic

That can take everything away even your dreams.

But I have to hold on

Because my dreams is the only one that keeps me going

I’ll never stop until I reach the sky.

"But when he asks he must believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind" - James 1:6

Page 13 Coffee and Tea: Live to inspire 

A Simple Reminder

I know you have asked yourself of your own existential and have a lot of doubts in yourself (everyone does that) Always remember never lose hope.

Be eager to ACHIEVE

It’s okay to FALL sometimes

At least you still have the STRENGHT

To STAND UP and TRY AGAIN

Why Worry? BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Have FAITH

“One day, you’ll be living in LONDON

Explore the streets of ROME

Be kissed under the Eiffel tower

Have coffee in PARIS

And fall in love with your soulmate in SEOUL

Be happy no matter what life has to offer. 

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BELIEVE

There are a lot of times I tripped, fall flat on the floor, and no matter how many pail of tears I shed every night nor embarrassment I face in my life, I still manage to stand up, smile and think that everything is going to be alright.

Funny isn’t it. People called it weird &crazy that they tend to get furious and bring me to long talks as if I’m in a midst of depression trying to recuperate in life, silly but true

.

I remember long conversations with family where you could feel the most inner thoughts of shame and dysfunctionality, and there you are sitting trying to let go and scream.

If I tell you my dream, would you believe it? Or you would laugh because it’s unrealistic? Why can’t I dream the dream others have already accomplished, why couldn’t I dream the dream I really wanted to? “Darling, you can’t possibly see it as a dream, there’s no future in that!” and no matter how quiet you are about your dreams, or blunted about it, you just can’t seem to fit in unless “MAY NAPATUNAYAN ka!”

Whenever I feel those kind of feelings, I seek God, ask them for forgiveness in whatever I could say or think about them, I pray for them, pray for myself, pray for my family, because words are more painful than being kicked in the butt.

Nevertheless, I know His lighting my path to take every criticisms constructively even if I know there’s no such things. No matter how painful it is for me, I believe they do this for me, not for them. Just like my poetry goes, “Listen to what they say” and be wiser handling those situations.

No matter how difficult it is to understand endure it not to the extent of being numb and using your success as your revenge. But instead be humble. You might be thinking that “We’re already on our feet, why still put us into shame as if we are a lost cause” because sometimes those words can make us into a better person. Fixed yourself, do what you need to do, explore, satisfy yourself, you make adjustments so that when they see you they will never pinpoint that Achilles heels of yours.

Do your Best! Don’t ever let words bring you down! Instead let it bring you higher to your own success!

"Lets make our own reality in our own definition and terms... na trtrap na kasi tayo sa reality based on the language of society kaya nawawalan na tayong ng confidence and yes TIME and AGE and kalaban natin today kaya aminado ako sa stress eating... everybody is getting married, working pero bakit pare ayaw ko mangyari sa akin un parang boring same whirlwind of life parang di ito ang napicture ko kaya come what may i know what i want kaya isipin mo na lang pare you are blessed you see the world in a imaginary movie un ang lakas nation we are idealistic and futuristic perl we know the other side.. we don't deny it pero we don't allow it to have a claim in our lives and we've been fighting for 12 years not to let this CLAIM take over... pero sana pare i wish and pray na our reality truck will not hit us by accident and claim its territory by accident.. gosh!! hahahaha tapos pay notepad na lahat ng tao eager making sa story natin as if!! if i know isa sila sa tatawa noon if na meet nila ing teen age self and early adult self natin tapos pay na reach na isang inspiration ito para sa mga unique IILAN LANG NA TAO LIKE US parang 1billion is to tenlang tayo ahaha" - Phoebe Joy Deguzman

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It’s okay, it’s love

Is it okay to love?

Even if the odds are against it?

Is it okay to feel for someone?

Even if he doesn’t reciprocate it

Is it okay to know someone?

Even if he doesn’t know you?

Is it okay to hope for love?

Even if it’s just a dream

What are the chances I need to take?

Just to meet that someone who makes my heart ache?

I really want you

But I just can’t

For the reason I feel for you is unknown

For the love I seek would never be return

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Just one day....

What if one day we meet?

Stare into each other like this?

Or maybe just fall in love

All those what ifs

Trapped inside my very heart

Dreaming that one day

They will all come true

And be sealed with a kiss

Page 9: Coffee and Tea (Live to Inspire)

Love

Love, you’re so hard to reach

Escaping reality is all I do

Every breath I take is all about you

Jumping through conclusions

Of those unending fear of not seeing you

Nothing seems to be clear especially my feelings for you

Page 9: Coffee and Tea (Live to Inspire)

Falling in love

Falling in love was the least thing I would love to do.

I remember how she said that

She wanted to be loved

Yet she was afraid to love

Page 8: Coffee and Tea (Live to Inspire)

Blog

Sometimes we used to think that it’s okay to make mistakes “Okay lang magkamali”, I’ll be back on my feet again “babangon ako muli” but the truth is it’s just our way of telling ourselves “Be careful bin what you’re going to do” without intentionally doing it.

We don’t notice it because we’re already saying that we screwed up, even if it’s not yet happening we judged ourselves according to what we perceive ourselves.

We hated the way people talked about us but sometimes we are the first people who judged our own self and partially agreeing in what they are saying and sulking all over the place in our denial state of mind. We look strong in firm but actually were as fragile as we can be. We’re still young and still have the world to chase, don’t screw it all up just because you’re doubting that you can’t do it. Because my dear friend you could!

You’re no accident in this world, you are born with a purpose, don’t ask why you exist, because the moment you are born, you have the reason to live, breath in and see the wonders of life. Don’t be too hard on yourself because nobody is judging your flaws. Find a way to seek that existence, do what you love, live with no regrets.

Follow that dream!  

You are here for a reason

You’re a part of an intricate plan.

You’re precious and a perfect unique deisgn.

Called God’s special woman or man

You look like you look for a reason

Our god made no mistake

He knit you together within the womb

You’re just what he wanted you to make

The parents you had where the ones he chose.

And no matter how you feel they were custom designed with Gods plan in mind

And they bear the masters real

-          Russel Kelfer

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And that moment hurts

And that moment hurts

When you wanted to believe the things they say to you

“Coward, no direction, useless, lazy inferior……….”

When everything they say seems to be real and truthful

All of a sudden you became so numb

That you never feel the pain of being judged

But here’s my advice

LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY

No matter how hard it is to accept

No matter how painful it is to hear

Don’t just endure, feel it

Because you’ll never know that they are the words that could make you a stronger and a better person

Better than them, wiser than them

And more compassionate than them

"Don't let words bring you down" 

"Make level paths for your feet and take only the ways that are firm" - Proverbs 4:26

Coffee and Tea: Live to Inspire Page 6

POETRY

"Imagine with all your mind

Believe in all your heart

Achieve with all your might"

When things go wrong

All you have to do is hold on

When everything seems to fall

Always remember there is someone to call

When you can’t handle the pain

Think that you can make it through the rain

When there’s no more to hold

Believe me He will always be there when you’re cold

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

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