Back to my 10 year old self, when everybody seems to be pretty and dazzling in my eyes. I used to remember how I compare myself with others. That I am not good enough, nor pretty enough to be recognize. Probably because I was so thin, curly hair child, rabbit teeth and extremely shy, I was not even as approachable as the others.
I wanted to fit in so badly that I ended up screwing things. In the midst of everyone who are pretty and popular, I was that one girl, who felt like I have nothing to offer. I was not just being left out, but I was bullied because they think I was too fragile to stand up for myself. I used to hide in comfort rooms during break times because I was so scared to be muttered. I was too scared to be laugh at, to be the center of a huge joke and become the little poor thing who needs to do everything they say.
One scenario, when my classmates told me to sing in front of the whole class (we had no teacher during that time) and laughed about how I was intimidated by their stares. Despite on how they laugh, I mastered the courage to sing my favorite song which is "POKEMON" theme song. Even if it started a much more bigger teasing moments!
Fast forward as I reached teenage years. AWWW MAAAANNN, this is where comparisons lay cross your face. When people compares you with others, "Why can't you be just like her?", when people talked about the so called responsibility you would never had. When you were the shadow of your friend.
I felt hopeless and neglected in everything, BUT even if those things happened, I took a step forward and continue to make my parents proud. I study really hard, I extended my hand to others who are in need, I didn't care if I was compared or was not the prettiest, I just proved them wrong.
I joined speech competitions, I was enrolled in swimming and piano lessons to boost my self esteem and little by little I learned to love myself. I was on top my class, and won as a school president, the happiest memory of my aside from graduation. I didn't thought about it as "BECAUSE I MATTER, but because I WAS HAPPY fulfilling what I wanted without any pressuring myself to fit in the crowd ".
Here's one thing. You are never alone in your troubles. You were never alone in your doubts. You were never alone even if you feel so small. Because there would be someone, maybe not someone who would held your hand and say "GO ON".
I was never alone. I had someone to call whenever I was in fear. I had my best friends who always got me covered. I wouldn't survive my school years and my life until now if it wasn't for their encouragement. I have my mom, my brothers, my family wasn't complete but that doesn't mean I am missing a piece of my life. Because I was hone to be strong and to be humble despite of all those struggles. As I look back at those memories, I feel happy and content with what I have right now.Yes, I haven't reach my maximum potential yet, nor had achieved the dreams I wanted (i have fell and slipped tons of time and rejections had come and go) but I am okay and alright and I am thirsty for more.
So don't ever doubt yourself, we all have our own timelines, it may took us years or more but we should be patient in life. We must truly accept ourselves first rather than worrying about what others think about you. LISTEN, listen to what your heart is shouting,