Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Dreamscape by Janine Kaye

Dreamscape part 4

“I am your worst nightmare”
“Shocked with what you see?”
The girl behind those shadowed darkness is me
The girl that I am afraid of is my own self
“Oh I love those fear in your eyes,
I guess Chris didn’t noticed it”
Chris! Yes, where in the world is Chris?
“What did you do to him?” I screamed
“Oops, didn’t I tell you that he works with me?”
The seal started to change colors
Again, the pain I have felt underneath those waters
Is returning all over again
I can’t see a thing
It’s so painful all I did was to scream
“What a lovely sight? Seeing you in so much pain
I bet Chris would be so happy to see you like this,
There’s one lesson you should learn Jenny
Never trust anyone even if he/she shows goodness in you”
 I was in lying on the ground with so much pain
There I saw Chris standing in front of me
As pick my sword and looked at me
“I’m sorry to disappoint you Jenny,
But fairytales are over”

Everything was part of a nightmare
The tragedy of my own self had began
Curse seal was all my doing
It was my own nuisance.
I could still feel the pain
And I want to remember what happened that night
But questions started to prevail
Why am I even there?
Or who did this to me
The memories I have are slowly fading
Every time the seal changes almost half of a memory fades away.
But all I know is that Chris had betrayed me
Everything that the sea has said was true
Ahhh! This is killing me
I wish that I am different
That I am not this girl who sits alone and be called a freak show
I wish I just accept the things that was said onto me
That I wasn’t good enough
I wish my dreams are reachable
So that I wouldn’t hear people laughing at me because my goals
I wish that I could achieve it
Not because they wanted but because I WANTED IT
And I wish…. I wish….
I wish in all my might that I am I could be worthy someday
But how could that happen if I am hear locked inside this cell

“Crying is for kids” he said
“What are you doing here?” I asked
“Just checking on you, if you’re already dead?”
“Why are you doing this? I thought you are my friend!”
“Well, what you thought is wrong? Not everyone who has a smile on their face is a friend”
“I know that you’re playing with me, I know that what you say is not true”
“How can you say that? I tricked you into your own lair”
“Because I know you’re always going to be here for me”
“How would you even know that?
Everything you see here is a part of your own game,
You manage to control everything in this place
And you made me who I am now”
“No you’re lying,
You promised that you’ll always be here for me
And you’re always there to save me”
“How peculiar, you still hold on to those words I said
Don’t you get it?
I’m playing with you everything you see here is unreal
 I’m sorry disappoint you,
But I guess you should have believe what the deep blue sea had said”
“I defended you!”
“But you’re defending the wrong person!
Oh by the way, we’re going to crash your kingdom any minute
By that time you’re going to be dead,
Because the seal has only hours to go before it turns to black”
Chris locked the cell, and left me
As the seal gets bluer
The more I forget things
I started to look up on the ceiling
Wondering why?
I’m getting crazy
The feeling of being rot alive is unbearable
I always dream to have the impossible dream
And the people, I mean the creatures around me is stopping me
I bang my head onto the walls
What’s wrong with me?
I can’t almost remember anything
Please stop this pain
My heart couldn’t handle it anymore
I cry harder, than I could never imagine
I scream, I yelled, I shout but no one will ever hear me
I locked my hand into my face
And felt hopeless
As I lay down in the cold ground
Someone had started to call my name
“Jenny! Jenny! Can you hear me?”
I didn’t bother to listen
My mind is almost turning off
I can’t move anymore
I closed my eyes in this unbearable feeling
As the voice keeps calling me again
“Jenny! Jenny! Can you hear me?”
It repeated for almost three times
Until I snapped out
As I opened my eyes
I was in a different dimension
Everything was white.

“Where am I?
Hello? Anyone here”
A ray of light flickering into the white fog
And before I could a make a move
A familiar woman came out of the fog
“Hi darling, it seems that you’re having a hard time figuring things out”

Of course I know her!
“Mom, you are the Queen of the Sun?”
She puts her finger on to her lips
“I am the Queen of the Sun; I am here to help you”
“But how
“I am a bit trap in the cell of danger,
The friend who I thought is my friend left me
And now my kingdom is in jeopardy because of me”

“This is your dreamscape remember,
You can do anything you want to do in this place
I bet that you’re grandfather had explained everything to you
Aren’t you listening again? Daydreaming on your dream?”

“Huh? Don’t tell me grandpa is the king?”
“In this world his alive because of your dreams”

“So how in the world can I defeat myself?
It is in you whether on how you’re going to defeat her”
“What, I’m going to die any minute
Because this freaking seal has only hours to left
And I’m going to find the answer really soon?
How is that supposed to be?”

“I believe you honey,
I know that you can surpass all of the struggles that is thrown on to you
Listen to your heart and it will lead you to that right path
And importantly never give up on a situation you think is unreachable
Because everything is reachable if you just believe”

“So you just came to see me to wish me luck?

“Yap, I know you can do it
Without any help from me
I’m just here to watch you
And knock that brain of yours”

“Mom, does it mean I’m still daydreaming at this point?”

“I can say that this world is no longer your imagination
The dream you have was no longer a part of your fantasies
Everything you see, hear and feel are real
This world is the desires you wanted to be a reality
This is a quest of finding who you really are
It was you who made this dream a reality
So go on and deal with it like woman!
Because you’re other self is trying to replace you on the real world
So go and I’ll be lighting you!”

“Wait speaking of lighting
Aren’t you going to break this curse seal?”

“Aren’t you listening to me again?”

“Yah I know it’s up to me,
I’m just wondering if you’re going to change your mind”

She pointed at my heart locket
“I’ll always be your ray of light
I love you,
Do your best!
I have placed important stuffs on to you
And make sure you used them properly”
But before I said good bye
She fades into thin air and gave me a kiss on my head.

I feel so calm
The pain had suddenly left me
As I opened my eyes
Adventure starts now

My conversation with my mom
Had brought me back to my kingdom
Everything that used to be so happy
Is now polluted with darkness
The bad energy is scattered everywhere
The black shadows guarded the whole place
The feeling was so terrible
The screaming and cries were felt throughout the kingdom
And all I see was terror
I don’t know how I could get in

“MEOW” a loud growl from behind my back
“JENKINS!!! You’re here! Chris is right!”
Oh Chris! Wait till I get my hands on you
I promise you I’ll make you ugly!
You don’t know how this broken hearted girl gets nasty
And dear me, I’m going to let you crash away my dreams
Cause you’re going down sister!”
I rode on Jenkins back as we run through the kingdom

As we tried to reach the castle doors
Shadowed guards suddenly sprout out from nowhere
Giving Jenkins some shivers
As she runs over them
And tossed me into the air
Giving me a not so good fall
She looked at me and talked to me in my head
“Go and save the kingdom,
We’re all counting on you!
Don’t worry, leave this dumb shadows to me”
As I waved good bye and run as fast as I could to reach the tower.

I did all of my karate chops on every so called villain I see
And tried my best to hit every inch of them
As I got there,
I saw Chris standing behind the door with my sword.

“Who would believe, that a rat like you can escape?”
What a dialogue, he still has the guts to be so mean!
My tongue started to fuss as the words came out
“And why is a cat like you is so dumb!” 

He walks towards me, as he pats the sword on his hands
“You know you can’t make it through?
But here you are, trying to be everybody’s hero
Risking your life to the people who don’t actually exist,
And you know what’s worst is that they trusted this kingdom
To a girl who can’t do anything but to just day dream”
He laughs, he laughed so hard that I get pissed.
“Are you angry now? Or you just want to cry like a baby again?”

I snap out,
I threw a knife at him but catch it with his hands
“How so stupid of you to throw the only weapon you have?
Is this the only thing you got?”

“No, it’s not!
Because I can do more than just throwing knife at pathetic man like you”
He moved his head to left to right
“Really, so I am pathetic, who is the girl who loves to day dream?
And when things get worst give up that dream
And drown herself into her insecurities and cry.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Chris!
Or what I feel, or what my dreams are
Because I believe in myself
Yes, I was this girl who lack self esteem
And yes, I am this person who cries herself into sleep
But I won’t let anyone like you to ruin the things I dream of
I don’t care what it will take to reach it
Because I don’t mind if I die trying
I know that I can make it
And I know that I can prove you wrong
Because this time, I’ll be the one who’s going to laugh”

As he gets closer
 “So are you done with your so called speech?”

“Not yet you jerk!
And don’t make a single step or else I will break your neck!”

“Hmmmm so I’m scared now,
Okay let me hear your lousy cries”

“Lousy? Really, I just can’t believe I trusted you!
You and your heroic features
You being so caring, honest and chivalrous
Made me so sick that I wanted to slash the heart out of you
The way you whisper to me
The way you hold me
All I thought that there is something within you that I could feel safe
That when I’m with you I don’t have to worry what’s going to happen
I never felt like this before to anyone else
And there you are I barely even know you
All of a sudden this weird feeling came trembling down
That I wanted to cry so hard because I feel this way”

He interrupted “I never told you to fall for it easily”

“I know! But I did!
Because you freaking jerk
Made me fall without you noticing it!
No one had ever been so gentle to me!”
“Are you out of your mind?
I am just playing with you!”

“I know! How many times to you need to hear it
I know! I know! I know!
If you just know how much I wanted to hold your hand
How my heart pound whenever you’re near
I hate the feeling that you never feel the same way
That this was all a part of my midnight dream
I wanted to hug you so badly
That you made me so confuse about what you showed me
I know that you wouldn’t like me
Because I’m not pretty
And all I do is to cry and get hurt!”

“Stop this Jenny! It’s not going to”

“I’m not yet finish
Until this freaking feeling is done
I will rant and rant as long as you get what I feel!
You don’t know how it feels like because you we’re never alone!
You never felt being laugh out because you are weird
Or being pushed away because you are smart!
And for me, being with someone who actually cares for me
Is something that I treasure the most!
I know that you’re laughing inside
Because this foolish girl had fell into your traps
And that she’s crying because the guy she likes
Was actually a hideous monster without a heart
I’m not a shame with what I am doing
Chris! Yes I’m in love with you!
And it hurts so badly!”

He claps, “You’re really pouring so much emotion
I’m so sorry but everything you see is a part of a show
So you better get your knees straight
And fight with me like a queen
Don’t just stand there and weep for a guy who doesn’t care
Girls should not be crying for a jerk like me
Girls should be pursued!
Not to make a shame of herself”

I stood up properly
And tilt my head up high
“I know that’s why I am doing the best I can
To make this battle different from any other battle
And I know when that time comes
I won’t regret it”

I took every gut I got
Took a deep breath and
I ran towards him and kissed him
He tried to remove his head
And as our lips touched
Slowly his hands into my waist
And Prick, “What’s this?”
He’s hands started to bleed
“What did you do?”
Slowly he’s body gets weak
And fell into the floor

“Hmmm, so mom had really placed something.
Darn! I thought I have captured his heart
Oh well, boys are so easy to handle
And thank goodness my mom had given me a secret “Sleeping Pin” weapon.
I’m so sorry my prince,
You have hurt the wrong girl!”

I opened the door
I saw the sword that was placed on the king’s chair
I ran towards the throne
An electric shield strike me
Why didn’t I think about that?
I am the one who also did that!

“Well, well, well, I didn’t know you could do such thing Jenny?”

“What? Running and get electrified?”
As I stare into myself
This other me had such black heart
Its dark aura terrifies me
What a sad me?
How did I get so mean?
“Hmmm… HAHAHA… I’m laughing so hard
Such a strong person you got in there”
She walks through circles
As she looked at my eyes
Crossed her hands and bend over me
“What a pity?
You never had the chance to win in this game!
Just give it up Jenny!
Because you don’t know what you’re going to lose in this time”

“I will never give up you ME!”

“Really, even if I exchange your life to the people in this kingdom”
She took a small notebook from behind her back
“Well, do you remember this?
I bet this is where you keep your dreams?
And I believe that once this is crushed
This so called dream of yours will be all lost
And you will forever be forgotten
Well, thanks to me because maybe people will still see you”

“You cruel monster” I screamed

“Looks who‘s calling herself a cruel monster!
You’re the one who created me!”

“Am not, I would not dare to create you
You, a monstrous person
Captured in darkness
Weakened by happiness
How in the world will I create you?
I don’t even picture myself being you!”

“Really, well sorry to disappoint you,
But I am the person you always wanted to be?”

“Why do you keep on insisting that?”

“Because I can be like everybody else,
Not like you, nobody likes you!
And the kingdom you built
Will forever hated you
Because you created
Someone likes me…..”

She took the notebook
 In a single spell “AsioPelatorofocus!”
My small notebook of dreams burned
And everything around me turns into a huge black room
As I watched my kingdom crumpling down
The cursed seal had started to get worst again
There I was, I can’t do anything
I can’t even move
This freaking seal is killing me
I can see everything crashing into pieces
All my dreams… all my inhibitions

Being ruined by my own self

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