As I lay myself to sleep, I
couldn’t help but to smile. Seriously this is so new to me! That silly girl.
What is going on with me? How in the world did she did that? What a child? It’s
weird but I never smiled like this before, I did, but it was long time ago. It’s
as if she hypnotize me to be happy and wanting me to be her more. What am I
thinking? She looks way younger than me despite of what she said. She was
right, I slept with a smile on face and a light heart and it’s all good.
But there’s one thing I didn’t
understand when I woke up is about what Anakin have said. Things went
completely different nowadays. Weeks had passed since I have seen Anakin went at
the Phantom. Their Café was now own by a different person. The Phantom was now
closed. I felt like Anakin just did all of those things just to say goodbye to
me. But didn’t quite explain why she left. No trace, no message, nowhere to be
seen. Days become weeks and weeks become months and what’s worst months becomes
years. I never seen her again that my heart aches whenever I remember her. I
felt like I was cheated by a girl who I’d barely know. A girl whose name was
Anakin Okleary. But a girl who strike my heart so badly it made an impact on
me. Before the months and years passed by, I became a little bit different. I
become my old self, what had happened? Why did she left? Isn’t it so hard to
explain to say good bye? Are those smiles really meant for me? Or is she
feeling the same way I felt despite of her being positive. I was warned by
Grace that if I didn’t work harder I’ll be out of the company.
Even if I felt bad for losing
someone I never had. I fixed myself all over again. I made myself clear that
I’ll be the best man that I was dreaming when I was a child. That I don’t need
some flowery messages from a person who barely know me. And I did. After 4 long
years I was promoted as the new Team Leader since Grace was now the Vice
President of the company.
This time I felt happy all over
again. Happy just happy. I stroll to the long paths of the workaholic people
holding different papers and newly graduates holding resume’s for job hunting.
I never thought I could make it and within 4 years I was promoted.
“Henry!” that voice that sound,
my heart starting pounding again and without noticing I look back, there she
is. Anakin standing in front of me, waving at me, smiling at me, I wanted to
get close to her, I wanted to ask why she left but instead I frown and walked
away.
“Henry!” she called, I didn’t
stop “Henry!” She called again and I started running “Henry! Henry! Wait for
me” it pissed me I looked back again and she was already in front of me
panting. “Would you knock it off? Get lost kid!” I said in an angry tone. “Hey
calm down tiger! Didn’t you miss me?” she smiled and my anger started too fed up.
“Are you insane why would I miss
someone who I don’t even know from the first place?” I said while walking away
“Really? I know you miss me, because on that moment you saw me you sparkle like
tinker…..” but before she finished I but in “Hey Miss, if you don’t have
anything nice to do just get lost okay. I’m a busy man and I don’t have time
for your silly nonsense. So could you please stay away from me?”
“But I wanted to spend the whole
day with you! I’ll treat you an ice-cream” out of my anger I shouted “Anakin!
Don’t you get it! You were gone for four years, no note, no message just gone
boom kapeesh! And you expect me to get happy with you all over again! Huh?”
“Yes! Because you are my friend!
Friends need to catch up”
“Friends! Even friends say goodbye
to one another. Or better yet you just feel that they’re not your friends
anymore. Friends? We didn’t even get there!”
“Henry! What’s the matter with
you? Does the sun made your head heat up like that!” she laughed
“Anakin! Is this some joke to you
huh! I hold her in her arms! I don’t know what you did to me, whenever I think
of you I felt this feeling that I haven’t even felt before and here you are
again, toying with it! As if everything is joke to you! If you decided to
leave, leave now. Don’t ever come back!”
She stared at me “But I didn’t
know you felt that way. I’m so sorry. I thought we’re just friends, two people
lost in the world and met to fulfill the missing pieces of their heart” She has
a point, I’m the only one feeling this way! Didn’t you just heard what she
said, you’re friendzone dude!
I let go of her arms made a deep
sigh and said “Just go Anakin.” Slowly I walked backwards “Please don’t ever
call me again. Let’s all pretend that this day never happen or we never met at
all” I was so bitter that I didn’t even look at her again. I was in deep pain.
I don’t know what happen but instead of hugging her because I was happy to see
her I was just full of bitterness in life. I felt so childish that I ran away
from her.
“Henry!” she called I really
wanted to look back, but this was my choice and my feet wouldn’t stop from
walking away. At that moment, I was the most coward person in the universe!
“Henry!” she called for the last time, it was silly of me to wait for the last
call but she didn’t.
----------------------------------------
Days had passed after that
moment. I was struck by another whirlwind. Would I regret that moment? If only
I just controlled it. No, I made my point. Did I? I was questioning myself
throughout the process of living did I did what was right? Or I just made a
fool out of myself and let a girl suffer because of the words I said. It wasn’t
painful at all. Arrrrgh! This so much questioning is killing me.
“Henry!” I was astonished by the
voice Grace had given me. I look at her, she was trembling. “Grace, I mean Vice
President are you alright?” I immediately take a hold of her because she seems
to get collapsed. “Henry, can please bring me to the hospital” her tears
suddenly fell from her cheeks as take a grip of my coat “Please Henry”
“Is there something wrong? Does
your body hurt?” she just stare at me. It’s weird, because I felt that stare
all throughout my body that it make me shiver “Okay, I’ll ask no more
questions. Let’s go”
This is the very first time Grace
asked me for help. We we’re just mere colleagues, I mean no, where just a boss
and an employee. Where the heck is her fiancé? I mean her husband? My boss! Where
is he when she needed help? Oh darn! He’s in the States Henry! I was looking at
her on my rear mirror, she never stopped crying. Those tears weren’t sign that
she was in pain. Is there something going on in her family? Is the President in
the hospital? Darn! If he is, those tears are for him. I started driving faster
and she didn’t utter any word until we reached the hospital.
I accompanied her as we get in.
She was walking so slow, her steps are getting heavier as we walk by, she
paused for a moment, and her tears couldn’t just stop. She slowly open the room
and everyone seems to be in a panic mode. I don’t clearly see what’s going on.
But the doctors and nurse are around this patient and they’re reviving someone.
I look at Grace her tears suddenly stop as she almost collapsed. The doctors
stop. Slowly Grace, with all of her strength stood up. As soon as she saw her,
she ran to her and started crying.
As I took a glimpse of that young
child, my heart started to pound. My heart is starting to kill me, what I have
saw is beyond my wildest imagination. She started screaming “Baby, listen to
me, don’t close your eyes! Listen to me! You promise me, we’re still going to
perform on stage for our musical play you promise me! Baby, please don’t leave
mommy alone. I can’t live without you” Mommy? Grace? How? But before she knew
it her daughter had a cardiac arrest.
“Anakin!!!” Grace screamed.
Anakin, Anakin, wait, what’s
going on? Did I hear it right? Anakin? Grace fainted and my flexes moved so
fast I have catch her. And as I look at the girl lying on the bed. Time seems
too stopped. This couldn’t be. There lies Anakin, lifeless, being revived. Mrs.
Okleary went near me, tapped me on my shoulder and carried Grace to the chair.
I don’t know what to do, I was staring at the doctors trying to revive Anakin.
I immediately held her hand and whispered into her ear as my tears suddenly
fall. “Hey! Darth Vader! Please wake up! If you don’t I won’t forgive you at
all. Never! Please, remember you still wanted to be a superstar and an
inspiration to the whole world. Please hear me” and my knees started to get
weak that the only thing I have said was “Help her Dear Lord. I have never
prayed to you anymore or trust you because of the instances I don’t understand.
I somehow blame you for the un granted wishes I have asked you. But with all my
heart, with all my heart Dear Lord Please help her. Give her this one more
chance. Give me this chance too. I am praying to you, I have been a bad son to
you, but please help her. I will be willing to accept all the outcome but
please just for the last time. Help me Dear Lord”
At that very moment unexplainable
thoughts had come into my mind. Anakin was wrong, we make bad choices and we
regret it, it’s not because we chose them but because we think it’s the only
way out. I regret everything Anakin. I regret it all. But is it really all
about regret? I was a nobody before she came to my life. It was only me. I
never cared for anyone except for myself. I was struggling alone. I was in a
huge depression. My anger, frustrations, unanswered prayer, everything was a
part of my undying illusions. Anakin can you hear me I regret everything that
happened in my life. But I never regret meeting you at the rain, seeing you all
flustered and happy while riding your bike, hearing you call my name, I never
regret wanting you to stay beside me. I never regret everything from our first
meeting to our last. But if you wouldn’t wake up right now I would regret that
I could never say that love you from the very start. I was a man full of
dreams, but everything had sunk when reality hits me big time that I don’t know
how to be happy anymore. Yes I was happy when I got the job, I got the
promotion, and I had the car of my own a shelter to live on. It was all a part
of my childhood dream. Then suddenly I realize that I don’t even know what my
dreams really are until I met you. Please wake up. You told me that I should
hold your hand right, so hold my hand now. Please.
The doctors were still doing
their best to revive her and all I do was to hold her hand as I cry. But the
doctors said it was all too late. “I’m sorry we have done every……” but before
he finished I grab the doctor on his suit “Don’t ever say that! You’re a
doctor! You’re meant to save life!” Mrs. Okleary stopped me from what I have
been doing “Henry, please let go!” “No Mrs. Okleary, she must live, she have
tons of dreams to make it happen, and we’re both going to do it and Doctor I am
begging you!”
I don’t believe in miracles but I
guess, Anakin was a miracle.
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