Friday, January 11, 2019

1st weeks of January


Here's a January realization of mine, I walked out the door with a panting heart, thinking of all the doors that closed right before my very eyes... I walked through those pathways and I have memorized it's sizes and shapes And all day long, I knew it would always stay the same as it could...

Then I walked through my favorite mall telling myself, I knew everything about this place, and could even walked with eyes closed as I chase the very moment that I should be there...

As I was walking, I realize that no matter how well I knew about it, no matter what kind of paper town I am in it, there are still things that would shocked me, like I never knew this is here, nor I never knew about this, I have never come across this alley or whatsoever but I am always here like literally here all the time.... the place that I knew for so long no matter how old it is it will always be new...

I wanted to escape so much that I have realized I am already escaping, it was moving for me, it was changing for me... I suddenly become so scared that I neglected the things that was in front of me just because I wanted things to go my way.... and by the time He had taken it away, it shattered me into pieces and made me box myself and for that moment I was trapped with my precious memories that I couldn't let go....

I am aging, the more I get older, I get to scared, I am afraid of the fallen memories.. I am scared about the reason why i should be here.....

Maybe I am scared of what i couldn't do. Maybe I couldn't make it through, I was always running through time that I forget to enjoy the miracles that was showering to me. I have less, I have nothing, but there were JOY and funny because at that moment I was in connection with memories of my once upon a time. I am now crying with tears of happiness I am just so silly not to recognize!

and so we may both have different interpretations of our life continuum, but i know we're both getting there.... no time is running, it's just us who were racing.

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