Lost in Trance by Janine Kaye

She had lost her way home
The dreams she had built were all gone
Fell over from the traps of doom
Carrying all her thoughts in one room

Seeing the sight of questions
Her reality was transformed into illusions
The noise of insecurities let her fall
And there is no one left to call

Her sufferings were all a part of a play
And there are no words to say
Her tears fell as she stare at the sky
Because all she wanted was to fly

Each door of opportunity had closed
Because no one tried to hear her voice
She believed in everything she could
And do the things she should

She had lost her way in a trance
No one had given her any chance
But still she stood up
And never stopped until she reach that dream.........

SOMETIMES.....

Sometimes I think that there's something wrong with me

I use to lay my head on my pillow thinking what went wrong

Am I designed to be like this 

Or the trials of time made me who I am today

I keep on wondering, how in the world am I supposed to fit in

Everyone has their own way of perspective

Everyone knows what path to take

And here I am drowning in my own dreams

Day dreaming that one day it might come true

But when will that happen......

Today, Tomorrow, Next Week, Next year or Never

Sometimes I worry about the things I hear from different people

I over think about the things they say

I tried not to listen 

But everyday it keeps bugging me 

I know I am Okay

I know that this life is the life I made

and I have talents and wisdom to share

But why am I feeling this way?

Sometimes I doubt the capacity that I can give

That I am not good enough 

Or I am not someone who can give the best shot

I always tried to be the very best that I can be

But there is always lacking

My self esteem is scattered everywhere

I don't know how to pick up all the guts in the world

Sometimes I wonder where did all the intelligence go

Am I so lazy to stand up when God showered intelligence?

Or I am just designed to be like this

Unwary, Unappreciated......... etc etc....

Sometimes I close my eyes and think that this feelings never existed..... 

22 years of Existence! :)

Days had passed since my 22nd birthday, and I can still feel the happiness that was trapped inside my heart! hahaha.…Honestly, I wasn’t really excited about celebrating my birthday, for me, it’s just another day to spend with my family, and maybe because I am out of the YOUTH circle already hahahaha… 

I used to jump with glee whenever September is fast approaching but this time, I wasn’t even ready to take the next step of adulthood. Another year wasted, another dream had just blown by the wind, another year of doing the same thing all over again, I felt that I was just stagnant. 

My friends are even more excited than me, they message me, text me, call me and here I am having a face of “Not another birthday”. I don’t have any plans at all, nor what food do I like to eat on that special day of my life. All I did was to listen at GreenDay’s song “Wake me up when September Ends”. And because I wasn’t even excited at all, I even hide my birthday on my Facebook Timeline to see “Who remembered?”. 

The night before my birthday, I was incredibly busy watching my favorite Koreanovela “49 Days” <3 <3 <3 that I didn’t notice the time I spend laying on our banig. As the clock ticks 12, I sat on my chair and started downloading videos for my “editing work” that will be submitted on my birthday. (hahaha this is what you call rush rush) And because it’s already my birthday, I felt the urge of finishing this video work as early as possible because I’ll be enjoying this day with my whole family (and who’s getting a little bit excited? ME!!!!!) 

My best friends started texting me that she’s on our way to my house and so I need to get ready for one whole afternoon of nonstop conversations, dancing and FAN GIRLING :) As soon as they arrived, I can smell the tasty aroma of sweets my mom is cooking, and the smell of my favorite spaghetti started to linger on my senses. And there I was standing in front of my family and friends, saying this little prayer of mine, feeling so happy and blessed that despite of me having no intentions of celebrating made me feel that another gift of life had showered upon me. 22 years of my life had been blessed with pure love and greatness, I always felt complete no matter how many times I get EMOtional,(EWAN KO BA! Emo man ako, my heart feels so contended) and once I look up, I know He’s watching me from heaven and whispering onto my ears that this day is a gift from above….. 

My tears were scattered everywhere when I saw my My mom, brothers, family and friends smiling at me, kissing, hugging and FOOD FOOD FOOD!!!  All I wanted to say was thank you for this awesome adventure! this day of nonstop fun and laughter :) 

Another Life had began, Another dream must soon be accomplished, Another Miracle waiting to happen, Another Life to be with my whole family :)